Violet Evergarden’s Approach to Love

 Violet Evergarden is truly the story that has impacted me the most out of all the ones I have experienced. I could go on and on about the many facets of this particular show, but I want hone in specifically on how differently it handles love.

 The show follows the titular character, Violet Evergarden, during her time as an Automemories Doll, a fancy word for a ghostwriter of letters for clients who want to express something to a loved one. She has taken up this job to better understand the last words the only person who ever cared for her, Major Gilbert, said before saving her life (and presumably perishing). These words were, “...from the bottom of my heart, I love you.”

 What I really want to address, though, is how the show handles love in general and how this differs from so many modern day stories, especially your typical modern romance stories (which I do not at all consider Violet Evergarden a romance).

*Major spoilers abound, so beware*

 In the the typical story about love, the goal of the main character is the other person they are pursuing and for them to love them in return.

 The main character is attempting to find ways to bring themselves together with this other person and overcome any obstacles in the way of their relationship, which sometimes ends with their union finally happening or somehow they tragically do not end up together. But, in either one of these outcomes, the goal the entire time was to unite their love with the other person’s regardless of if they succeed in that or not.

 The target is the other person.

 What I find so intriguing about Violet Evergarden is that the target is not Major Gilbert but is actually love itself. 

 While Violet does hope Gilbert is still alive and wants to reunite with him, her main focus is actually to understand what the words “I love you” mean and understand the feelings Gilbert made her feel that she had never experienced before. 

 Even though it is made clear early on that much of what keeps her going is believing that the major did not die, Violet’s decisions are not determined by what will most likely help her find Gilbert or reunite them but rather based on what will help her understand what the words “I love you,” mean. Her decision to become a ghost writer, which drives the plot of most of the show, was made to help her better understand love rather than find Gilbert.

 This transforms the entire show from being your typical romance story into a dissection and exploration of what love means. Because of this, I found myself way more enthralled within the narrative of each episode. Each episode is its own silo of Violet helping or learning from someone else, usually while writing letters for them, and learning some aspect about emotions or human behavior. This impacted me more deeply because we are able to explore what it would be like for someone to be experiencing these behaviors and feelings for the first time and show us how we might take them for granted in our own lives. It also made me realize how I can try to be a little more like Violet, not hiding my emotions behind my words but being honest and saying what I mean.

Importantly, I realized since understanding love is Violet’s ultimate goal, the end of the show should actually answer the question if she ends up understanding it or not (and by proxy us as the audience) rather than if her and Gilbert are reunited.

And this idea that love is the true goal is supported by the two climaxes of the show.

 The first of these is when Violet is finally made aware that everyone believes Gilbert to actually be dead.

 If reuniting with Gilbert was Violet’s ultimate goal, then this would practically be the end of the show. We know now that he is [allegedly] dead and that there is no way for them to reunite now. Normally, this would be the tragic ending to the story that either ends in utter sadness or has some bright spot to give the audience hope in the midst of the sadness. 
But, instead, this point comes at the halfway mark of the show.

 Believing Gilbert to be dead also surfaces all the trauma from the war she had been pushing deep down within her and she comes face to face with all the harm and pain she caused during the war. She grapples with the guilt and sorrow of both of these realizations until her community shows her both how much they care for her and how much her work writing letters has transformed people through their love and joy.

 What I find most fascinating about this entire chain of events is that it is entirely about Violet finding her identity outside of just being Gilbert’s ‘weapon’ where she just obeys his orders. Since she has been told he is dead, she has to learn how to live without Gilbert, what it means to even be alive when she thinks the entire reason for her existence is gone. And she finds it through the people around her and through the work she does writing letters for others.

 The resolution of this climax makes it clear that not only is reuniting with Gilbert not the point of Violet’s true struggle, but learning to survive outside of her identity of being under his command is the real goal, the complete opposite of reuniting with him. She also begins to understand what love truly is at this moment and comes to the realization that her letters are also providing love and joy to others.

 The next climax is at the end of the show when Violet meets with Gilbert’s mother.

 When they meet, Gilbert’s mother lets Violet know that Gilbert’s death was not her fault and she doesn’t need to carry that burden. She tells her that Gilbert is still alive, catching Violet’s attention, to then grab at her own chest and say “in here,” indicating her heart. She explains how because of that she will never forget Gilbert, even if remembering him causes her pain, because even in that moment she still loves him.

 After all Violet has been through and with everything she has learned through the letters she has written, this simple explanation from Gilbert’s mother is what finally lets her understand what love really is. It is also beautiful that in a story about a relationship between two people, rather than their own love for each other being the ultimate thing that teaches Violet about love, it is Gilbert’s mother trying to describe her motherly love for him. This completely drives home the point that we are looking at all aspects of love in this show, not just your typical romantic one.

 This moment greatly affected me, so much so that I find myself getting emotional just listening to the music that plays during this scene. What surprised me the most, though, is that it created a deep feeling within me but doesn’t really drive me to go “do” anything about it. It is attempting to describe a word we hear frequently hear in our own lives but probably take for granted. Yet, when this word is finally understood by Violet, she lets Dietfried know she no longer needs orders, which is the first time in the show she says that, showing she is truly free.

 While there is nothing I can go “do” after this scene, it showed me that love can completely change a person, free them from burdens, and show them in turn how to love others, even if the object of their love is no longer directly with them.

 Violet Evergarden transcends the normal take on love stories that focus on the specific relationship between the two main love interests and instead uses their relationship as a lens to explore what love actually means. I find this such a unique way to explore love since the relationship isn’t the main objective but is simply a way to view love.

 This gives us a new perspective from which we can view love. 

 Our current culture is over saturated with love stories that only involve two people and hopes of their relationship uniting. This story goes beyond that it attempts to unpack what love is and how it flows through people to others and connects us.

 Since we are hyper fixated on stories that focus on the relationship itself, we can easily get caught up in our own lives of just focusing on finding the “perfect partner” or “soulmate” or even just loving relationships that emulate what we see in these stories. We might even be disappointed if our life doesn’t play out the way it does in these stories. But Violet Evergarden shows that love is much deeper than that, affecting us for the better even when the other person isn’t around.

After watching Violet Evergarden, and specifically these two scenes, I felt that I wanted to be both more honest and open about my emotions, as Violet was because she didn’t understand them, and more loving to all those around me, even to my own detriment, in hopes to spread the same love and joy Violet’s letters do. But, even deeper than that, it left me with the sense of what love is. There isn’t really anything actionable to do with that feeling yet I believe it has changed me, left me with a different perspective and appreciation for love in all its forms.